anxiety

And as I was laying down looking at the stars, trying to calm myself down from the horrible anxiety that hit me I started thinking. Maybe I make myself sick, make myself sad and miserable. Can you spare yourself the vicious cycle of fine-great-sad-mad-miserable-fine. I mean I try over and over again to not feel this away but then an anxiety attack hits and it feels like my lungs just collapse making it impossible to breath right and I feel my heart rate pick up and I panic. Panic only makes it worse, I start crying and I panic even more then I start hyperventilating yet when I tell one of my grown ups that it's getting out of hand they say it's a figment of my imagination. Why is so hard to control anxiety? Why can't I control my emotions and just be fine with everything, be fine with the hurt the betrayal the heartbreak. I have a pounding headache and an aching wrist, how do I do this? Can someone please help me? This silence is killing me yet I can't bare sounds right now. I'm sorry for this Sorry I can't write anything good, anything worthy. I need help.