happiness?

So she told me I was hard to please. She said its because I'm not happy, that she has tried to make me happy for a month yet we barely talk. How do you expect me to be happy if everything around me is going wrong? Bad grades, shitty friends, terrible family feuds and miserably crushing on this amazing person who still hasn't noticed me. Wanting to tell my family that bisexuality is not all bad yet knowing how racist and traditional they are scare the living crap out of me. This terrible headache I'm having while writing because I haven't written in almost a month, kinda working on a novel or short story you could say. How is this a poem if I only express my feeling? Maybe this blog is becoming my diary or maybe I'm just really bad at writing and forming my inner thoughts into flowing sentences. I'll never be like the writer of my favorite blog. Goddamn she is amazing and her writing will one day dominate this world for real. So what will I do in the mean time? Will I finish that damn short story? Even if I can't form my imagination into flowing sentences? maybe I should just give it a shot you know? Try and if I fail I'll at least know I did my best right? But what if my best has never been my best? What if I have to push myself till the edge of the bridge? Maybe take the risk of jumping of that cliff and into the water below, the water where you plunge into and fight to come back above for that fresh breath of air. I'd come above smiling at the thrill of having taken that risk, having given it my all and finally reaching all my dreams. That was all for this session my loves, I gotta go but I promise I'll post again within the next week, I'll spend most of my days trying to word my thoughts for you.