dinsdag 27 oktober 2015

cold day

she reminded me of coffee, 
not because im trying to romanticize brown eyes but because she always kept me up late at night, 
never letting me go to sleep.

on a cold day she could make all my insides warm up, 
like nothing or no one else could.

tiny mistakes could make her too bitter or too sweet, 
it all depended on how you treated her,
stirring her was my favorite part.

stirring together everything that was necessary to make her her, 
to make her enjoyable 
i could never leave her behind, 
id always drink every single drop, 
not wanting to waste such a beautiful thing.


she was my coffee, 
she ruined coffee for me because every time i drink it now it hauls me back 
back into this pit ive worked so hard on climbing out of.

donderdag 15 oktober 2015

portrayed as an angel

you were portrayed as an angel but far from it,
manipulative
impulsive
seductive

you had your claws so deeply plunged into me
controlling me like i was your puppet 
not giving a fuck about my feelings
about my emotions
about my life
all i had to care about was you
all i had to worry about was you
all my priorities had to be you

you wanted every single inch of my being

when i surrendered myself to you but it still wasn’t enough

it had never been enough

you released me

retrieved your so deeply etched claws

leaving me empty
hollow
dark

you took everything you had made me to be
and left me without a single clue of who i was supposed to be now

who as i before you?

can i even recall?


i dont think i can but from that emptiness i will find my fill

from that hollowness i will build my sunflower field

from that darkness i will find my sunshine

you may have shattered my being but i will rise again

you will not stop me