what do i do with all the good times we've had?
what do i do with all the late night confessions we've had?
all the stories you've told me over the years?
so tell me what i should do
i won't forget your birthday
i won't forget the night you told me you loved me
i can't forget your birthday
i can't forget the night you told me you loved me
we met 13 years ago in the summer while on vacation to the happiest place on earth. Disney World.
i was a happy 7 year old, you were a cheery 6 year old and we were instant best friends.
i was a gloomy 15 year old, you were a cheery 14 year old when we met again while on vacation again. i started having this weird feeling when you were laying on the dirty floor with your head on my lap, looking up at me while listening to your favorite song.
i was a depressed 17 year old, you were a cheery 16 year old when i fell hopelessly in love with you. i fell in love with the way you said my name, the way your voice sounded while speaking to me, the way you opened up to me about everything.
it was that May that changed me, you had done the unthinkable to me in my eyes. you destroyed whatever trust i still had in you. we had never screamed at each other before up until that night. you screamed a confession that still replays in my head. you screamed that you felt the same way, you screamed that you were afraid, you screamed that you didn't want to lose me. my voice was breaking, my heart was shattering and my mind was spinning while i tried to grasp what you did. i left the party heartbroken and unsure of how to get you out of my mind and out of my heart.
it must have not been enough, you would come back every so often trying to act like nothing happened, as if you hadn't inflicted me enough pain over the course of 4 years.
you had once promised me that you wouldn't hurt me like my first love did, yet your pain hurt far more and for far longer.
i was 19, you were 19 and you kissed me and said you were in love with me. you didn't remember the next morning.
my heart aches as i write this
my chest feels hollow as our memories play in my head
my mind is in over drive trying to put my thoughts into words
you're on my mind often yet i know i shouldn't want anything to do with you.
you've caused enough.
i have to start loving myself more than i've ever loved you.
(6-23-18)
